It was somewhat of a miracle that we managed to find a place in a week, without the use of a rental agency. Apparently, there is so much paperwork involved in renting a place, that most landlords and tenants go through a rental agency to take care of all the legal necessities. These agencies charge (for the renter) about the equivalent of one month's rent. Yeah, rip off. I know. Our landlord actually lives in Sydney, and most of our dealings have been through phonecalls and through meetings with his retired parents. They're like our surrogate landlords...and in someways they are the closest thing to surrogate parents in France. They had the electricity set up for us and made an appointment and practically held our hands throughout the meeting with the insurance agent (insurance is another mandatory rental requirement). I swear, he was even giving me winks/nudges to lie about certain things to get a cheaper rate, "er...I mean, of course I never leave my sapphire earrings at home when I'm not there, why yes. they are always on my being"
Then of course - the internet. We need it. And we couldn't suffer through anymore time at the cybercafe among the World of Warcraft nerds. Easy right? Go to the internet service provider, give them proof of address and get billed right? Wrong. Get a fixed phoneline, and then go talk to them.
So a fixed phoneline. Go to France Telecom, give them proof of address, sign up and get billed. Wait. Not yet. You need a bank account, or more specifically a RIB (relevé identitaire bancaire). You really need one for everything.
After going to an HSBC branch that doesn't set up new accounts, we were directed to another branch in the centre. It was a grey and soggy afternoon, and we wandered in the second branch a little less than "frais" from the walk. The receptionist seemed to understand what we were looking for and led us through some frosted glass doors. It was like stepping into a first class airport lounge, and I couldn't tell if music was actually being played, or if I just heard it in my head. The waiting area had all the international financial newspapers, a computer for internet access and a phone for free international calls - we were offered tea/coffee. A few minutes later a British woman came out, looked us up and down and led us to her office. It went something like this:
Woman: So, you would like to make an appointment to open up a bank account? (She was dim)
Us: (a little confused - isn't that why we're here sitting in her office) um, yes. We're in France for about a year and we'd like to set up an account for payments and withdrawing cash and all that.
Woman: (also confused), I'm afraid we can't set up an account for that period of time.
Us: Is there no way that we can set up an account for a year in France, just for daily conveniences?
Woman: uh...the HSBC Premiere program needs a longer period for investments...*fumble blah blah blah...
Us: We weren't in need of a "premiere" account, just an everyday checkings account.
Woman: I'm afraid that's not possible then, we only arrange for the Premier accounts.
Us: Oh, so what would the requirements for a Premier account be?
Woman: A minimum investment of 75,000 euros.
Us: (amused, surprised) oh, I guess we were misdirected by reception (twice). We just wanted an everyday checking account, thank you for your time.
Woman: (and imagine the scene in Pretty Woman, when she walks into that first shop in Beverly Hills looking for a cocktail dress). You might want to try at some of the OTHER banks down the street, they may have what you're looking for. (as if WE were the ones looking for something outrageous and uncommon)
It would have saved everybody a lot of time and spared some awkward exchanges had she had the common sense to know that this soggy young Canadian couple just wanted to open up an everyday bank account. WHICH WE STATED FROM THE MOMENT WE MADE THE APPOINTMENT AT RECEPTION!! We did not say, "we need to make an appointment for a bank account to store our excess of 75,000 euros,". Context people! Even if there are language barriers (or especially if), you need to assess the situation and take cues from what you know to string together a meaningful situation. As flattering as the thought is, I really don't think we looked like we had 75,000 euro, nor did we throw around terms like "wealth management" or investments" during our request for an appointment. Maybe they could have been thrown off by my sapphire earrings - but, remember I only lied about wearing them all the time to save money on insurance rates.
We left there a little embarrassed, and I only laughed hysterically about the situation 24 hours after the fact. We went down the street and went into a French bank, where we made an appointment and were told that opening a new account required: copies of your last 3 paystubs, the last 3 months of bank statements, proof of address and passports. And we got it just fine.
About a week and a half after the bank, Francetelecom and the internet people, the miracle known as the "neufbox" arrived at our door bringing the wonderful world wide interweb to our, otherwise, impoverished, lonely, alienated life. On the bright side, we get to indulge in a lot of (almost too much) wonderful food. The weight gain might start sooner for us in the culture shock cycle.
